i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
