I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
