I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
