I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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