And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
