I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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