hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
