Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
