so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
