Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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