I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize