Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
