If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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