Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize