So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I pour the whiskey from now on
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
