I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
