I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
...so i touched it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
