Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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