My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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