i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
