Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
