fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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