I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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