whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
