remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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