Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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