yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
