If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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