No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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