I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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