Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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