i think my mom watched the whole time
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
