Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
