I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
