how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
