So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
