Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
