don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
