you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This beer is not sobering me up at all
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
