I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
