Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
