she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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