the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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