fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
