Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
