Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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