Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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