is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
