i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize