I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
