seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
