before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
