I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
