Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's just like the Real World with babies
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
