I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
