In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
