We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
