I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize