She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
