i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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