I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
