I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Randomize
