waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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