So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
