The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
